Crying and Writing

So I'm writing this book and all through the book I've been dreading writing the scene where the hero sacrifices himself to save the heroine.  

So today I started writing the scene where the hero reveals that he will have to die so she can live and they have 3 days to be together.  I don't know why but I never really gave this scene much thought but today I wrote the first paragraph where the hero is confessing all and I just started bawling.  I mean soupy wet drippy nose running can't control the chest heaving sobs, crying.  

I thought the worst part would be killing him but it's not.  It's knowing that he's going to die and that each moment you spend together is one less moment you will have.  I have never had a relationship in my real life like the one I have written in this book and I think it finally hit me today how much I love these characters and their relationship.  And now as they say goodbye, I realize I am going to have to say goodbye to one of them too.  It's making me so sad and miserable.  

However, having said that, I think it's a really great scene.  Probably one of the best I've written yet.  

I always wondered when I see a love story in a movie or read about one in a book if it's based in real life and I think I've come to the conclusion that we write the relationship we dream of, even knowing that the likelihood of finding it is slim, nil or none.  We humans are flawed and even though as writers we give our characters flaws too, we want them to have the relationships we dream of.  I wonder if that sets us up to expect more in our relationships and also how we become disillusioned by them.  3:13 am and these are my thoughts as my tears slowly subside.