May 23, 2020

Life is a Series of Losses

I sold my pink Daisy Rock - Rock Candy Special electric guitar today.  Feeling sad as I bid goodbye to yet another dream.  I’ve always thought I should know how to play guitar.  When I finally started taking lessons, I was over the moon happy.  It lasted six months before a hand injury ended all hopes of holding a pick for more than 5 minutes.  Or a needle.  What they don’t tell you about the stages of grief is that they don’t come in order and can sometimes come all at once.  Today before it was picked up, I still clung to the dream that I could someday learn to play.  That my injury could heal.  That I could have some tiny piece of my dream still.  Denial to the end. 

I always thought I should go to college, but financial calamity always follows my enrollment.  That’s a dream that raises it’s ugly head once in a while.  The last time I enrolled and was ready to sign up for classes, I had to replace a sewer drain.  A $5,000 sewer drain. Thanks to an illegal sewer setup 30 years before I bought my house.  That was the final death knell to my dream of college.  It’s just too expensive to even consider. 

Life is a series of losses.  I’ve always believed that.  But there are gains.  Knowing who you really are leads to accepting that some parts of you may never be fully expressed in this lifetime.  I’m still a rocker in my heart.  I still makeup songs and rock out in the shower.  I will never accompany myself on an electric guitar, but that’s probably a good thing.  Water and electricity don’t really mesh well.

Goodbye Rock Candy Special - you made my heart sing!  I hope the guy who bought you wears out your strings and loves you as much or more than I did.  

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